Tuesdays with Mrs K.

I have been thinking a lot lately about death and dieing. Not in the ‘thinking of offing my self’ kind of way. More contemplating what Mrs. K is going through, how people who are dieing face each day, how they continue endure and sometimes find peace in the face of the most frightening thing I can imagine.

Every time someone refers to someone who died after an illness they usually talk about the “Fight”. “He passed away after a long battle with cancer". But really not everyone chooses to fight. My stepmother had a co-worker who died of breast cancer who only started going for aggressive treatments long after the disease had advanced too far to be stopped. It’s not the first time I have heard of people avoiding treatments for things that could be cured.

Then, there are those who fight in the face of a battle they cannot hope to win.

Mrs. K has fought. For eight years she has done fierce battle with a disease that kills most of its victims within two to five years. After seeing her on Tuesday, I wonder how much fight she has left in her.

It seems that her visit to the old age home has taken a lot out of her. I don’t know whether or not the change is purely emotional or physical as well, but she was very down and clearly tired on Tuesday night.

I don’t know what the right thing is to say to her. I want to say that it’s alright for her to let go if she needs to, That she has battled well and there is no shame in conceding the fight. But I don’t know if that will upset her more. I hesitate to tell her to keep fighting, because it seems almost cruel to ask that of her now.

Perhaps the next time I see her, I will simply tell her that I love her.