“Spoodle” or why Starbucks is going to Hell.
You may have heard about a series of training sessions that has been happening at Starbucks. (Because as a misguided attempt at marketing Starbucks has sent out press releases about them)
The last one of these happened about a month ago.
I still haven’t gotten over it.
Don’t get me wrong, I like working at Starbucks, I really do. But I fucking hate there Staff meetings.
They are always three hours long, and yet the information presented in them could be compressed into a quick memo and a fifteen minute long training session on the floor.
This last meeting was no exception.
The jist of the meeting was this:
Coffee will be tossed out every ½ hour instead of every hour
House blend will always be brewing
Coffee will not be pre-measured
How long did it take you to read that? 2.5 seconds? – I shit you not- that was the whole meeting. What filled in the dead space? -long winded speeches – read out loud – (badly) from the CEO Howard Shultz, coffee tasting, filling out a work book, and “Spoodle” (I’ll get to that)
I cannot believe the utter waste of time (mine) money and resources that this meeting took up.
–The booklet? – Full colour glossy and therefore Non-recyclable. – Dear Fucking God.
How much money did they waste designing this thing that we all threw out at the end of the meeting anyway?
And then there is “spoodle”
Because coffee can no longer be pre-measured, Starbucks had to come up with a way to measure coffee quickly and accurately. They came up with a combination of a “scoop” and a “ladle”, and in Starbucks usual manner decided that they needed to give this device its own “Starbuckiean” name.
And hence “Spoodle” was born.
Now you have to understand, I was in the midst of midterms when this meeting happened. – I was lacking sleep.
When it was explained that “Spoodle” was a combination “scoop” and “Ladle” it occurred to me that Spoodle sounded much more like “spoon” and “poodle”. While I was doing my sudocu puzzle I contemplated drawing a cartoon of a very surprised Poodle with a spoon sticking out of its ass.
I lost it.
I started to laugh
I tried to stop, but it only made me laugh harder. My co-workers started looking at me funny.
I laughed some more
My manager asked me if there was something I would like to share with the rest of the staff. – I managed to choke out that I was sleep-deprived. -By now tears where running down my face, and the only sound I could make was a high pitched wheeze as I gasped for air, and still I laughed.
The Haggis has made be snort milk up my nose by timing the word “spoodle” just right.
Starbucks, you’re an OK company to work for, but your going to hell.
The last one of these happened about a month ago.
I still haven’t gotten over it.
Don’t get me wrong, I like working at Starbucks, I really do. But I fucking hate there Staff meetings.
They are always three hours long, and yet the information presented in them could be compressed into a quick memo and a fifteen minute long training session on the floor.
This last meeting was no exception.
The jist of the meeting was this:
Coffee will be tossed out every ½ hour instead of every hour
House blend will always be brewing
Coffee will not be pre-measured
How long did it take you to read that? 2.5 seconds? – I shit you not- that was the whole meeting. What filled in the dead space? -long winded speeches – read out loud – (badly) from the CEO Howard Shultz, coffee tasting, filling out a work book, and “Spoodle” (I’ll get to that)
I cannot believe the utter waste of time (mine) money and resources that this meeting took up.
–The booklet? – Full colour glossy and therefore Non-recyclable. – Dear Fucking God.
How much money did they waste designing this thing that we all threw out at the end of the meeting anyway?
And then there is “spoodle”
Because coffee can no longer be pre-measured, Starbucks had to come up with a way to measure coffee quickly and accurately. They came up with a combination of a “scoop” and a “ladle”, and in Starbucks usual manner decided that they needed to give this device its own “Starbuckiean” name.
And hence “Spoodle” was born.
Now you have to understand, I was in the midst of midterms when this meeting happened. – I was lacking sleep.
When it was explained that “Spoodle” was a combination “scoop” and “Ladle” it occurred to me that Spoodle sounded much more like “spoon” and “poodle”. While I was doing my sudocu puzzle I contemplated drawing a cartoon of a very surprised Poodle with a spoon sticking out of its ass.
I lost it.
I started to laugh
I tried to stop, but it only made me laugh harder. My co-workers started looking at me funny.
I laughed some more
My manager asked me if there was something I would like to share with the rest of the staff. – I managed to choke out that I was sleep-deprived. -By now tears where running down my face, and the only sound I could make was a high pitched wheeze as I gasped for air, and still I laughed.
The Haggis has made be snort milk up my nose by timing the word “spoodle” just right.
Starbucks, you’re an OK company to work for, but your going to hell.
Labels: Rants
posted by veronica at 9:31 PM
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