Retreat Part 2

So I am back.

Enlightened?

No.

Lighter? (feeling)

Oh Gods/Buddha yes.

The food was vegan. The day started at 4:30 am. (No, I’m not kidding). There were five separate hour long sessions of sitting meditation, separated by walking meditation and meals. Silence was maintained throughout the retreat except for a very short private interview on Saturday and Sunday that was held with the gentleman running the retreat.

Am I a Buddhist now?

I don’t know. I think I am test driving Buddhism. But I do like meditation and it seems to work for me.

Would I do another retreat?

In a heart beat.

Retreat

Yesterdays Graffiti clean up went flawlessly. Wonderful kids, funny sarcastic cop’s who would wait until little old ladies where walking by and yell out something like;

“Hurry up guys its time to get back to jail!”

Today is my last day and I am cleaning out the office computer of my résumé’s and about 35 cover letters. I am also writing the thank you letters to the various people who donated goodies for the kids.

Tomorrow, I am heading out to Lanark Ontario (just outside of Ottawa) for a four day long silent meditation retreat.

-Yeah, just in case you all didn’t already think that I was weirder than a soup sandwich.

What brought this on? A number of years ago when I started working for the lovely Pete Bevin we talked at some length about meditation and how useful it had been to him in some rough spots in his life. He loaned me a bunch of books and it piqued my interest. I found a couple of mediation groups and showed up for one or two sessions, but I didn’t feel particularly “right” about any of them.

Recently I found another group that meets close to Yonge and St. Claire. This felt more comfortable, and every one I have spoken too about the group and its founder has had nothing but praise for both.

So when I saw that the group was doing this meditation retreat I thought, “this is for me” The timing could not be better.

What do I hope to accomplish from this?

Not a lot really. I should think that I will be better at meditation. I hope that I will be a little calmer and have a wee bit more perspective on life in general. I don’t think that I will become enlightened over the course of one weekend; I don’t think that I will change as a person. I hope it will the start of something.

Igal is whining about being left all alone. He will survive. And I know that he is going to find his own form of relaxation by blasting the hell out of his good friends this weekend.

Tonight we are going to Lana’s place and they are giving me a “good bye” dinner. The perfect way to be sent off for this trip.

Winding Down

Tomorrow I will be leading a team of volunteers around the Danforth painting over Graffiti. This is my last big project for work. I have obtained one hundred dollars worth of freebees from Home Depot, one $5.00 gift certificate per volunteer from “Book City” One “buy one get one free" coupon from "The Second Cup" per volunteer and assorted goodies from a local salon.

I have also got two pizza’s from “The Magic Oven” for the post – painting lunch.

Wednesday will be my last day.

I had a wonderful exit interview with my boss and she is writing me a letter of recommendation. She is a lovely woman and I will miss her a lot.

Wednesday I will write thank you letters to every one who donated stuff for the project.

And that, will be that.

Update

Igal has a lovely purple shiner and a big nasty looking scab. His co-workers tell him that the "wife beat me" story sounds more real than the "I got stabbed with a wooden dagger" story.

*Snicker*

He got the missing money refunded to his account but we don’t know who copied his card and hence who to avoid.

Annoying

May you live in interesting times.

Igals Shiner, originally uploaded by Vlelchuk.

Yes I think that someone has bestowed that curse upon me. This was confirmed last night when Igal came in after dagger class.

I was in the office and I heard him come in, I asked how fight club was and he hesitated to answer.

That was my first warning.

Then when He came up the stairs he said “It could have been a lot worse” –That made me jump out of my chair and meet him in the hall to be greeted with a much bloodier version of the above photo.

I gave my self a whole minute to be a girl and then sucked it up and ordered him in to the bathroom so I could clean his eye. He has two very small cuts in the corner of his eye and this morning it is puffy but strangely not black and blue. – That may still be coming.

He’s going to tell the guys at work that I decked him.

*Snicker*

Oh yes and more interesting times…We found out yesterday that somehow $500.00 in cash was withdrawn from one of Igals accounts.

Not by Igal.

Fortunately Igal has a limit on the amount of money that can be withdrawn from a bank machine. Otherwise it is likely that our joint accounts might have been bled dry. The bank informs us that the money is insured and they are investigating.

I would like some boring times please.

I make no representations about the state of my sanity.

I have not been my self lately. So much so, that my husband has had words with me. People (I am told) are worried.

Sigh.

So what’s up?

That whole eerie calm thing about the Job hunt? Gone. Ran screaming in to the night. And I know the exact moment it happened too. Early last week when I got “paid” I did my banking and it occurred to me that I only have one pay check to go and then.. Well I am SOL.

Why does this scare me so very much? It’s been pounded in to my head from a very early age to be financially responsible. My parents divorced (mostly) over my mothers spectacularly bad spending habits. I have never been late paying any bill.

Yes I could always get a job in a coffee shop, or (god forbid) a photo shop. And yes logically I know that that would just be a stop gap, A thing to fill in the space until a real job comes along, but please note the above. “I make no representations about the state of my sanity”. You see, the beginning of my twelve year decent in to hell that was retail was supposed to be a “stop gap” until a “real” job came along. Part of my very irrational fear is that if I go back, I’ll get stuck there for another twelve years.

I am pushing 40 very hard. I thought by now I would have a carrier.

My in-laws are coming to town.

My client died. –Not Mrs K. The very nice 94 year old lady with Lung cancer. Let’s not even get in to the bitter irony of this.

So is this all an excuse to be a lunatic and an asshole?

No.

Do you think we killed her?

Armour28, originally uploaded by Vlelchuk.

Photos from the OMSG camping weekend. Follow the link and be amused.

Swims with Horses

This Weekend Igal and I went to the Aemma camping weekend just out side of Ottawa. The camping was in a farm with several fields for the boys (and some girls) in armor to play in, a nice river to swim in and (Luxury!) two showers and real flush toilets!

The day that we arrived there was a feast and we enjoyed a roast pig, sausages, and corn on the cob.

Igal and I are accustomed to back woods camping – where the rule is “if it can’t fit on your back it gets left behind.” But when we do “comfort camping” we do it well.
We brought along our canopy and had a very nice cozy spot in which a small mob of people decided to join us. I introduced my self to one of the Aemma boys who was hanging out with us under the canopy.

“Hi!”
“Hi I’m Matt”
“Hi Matt, I’m Veronica” Shoves bag if two bite brownies in Matt’s face “want a brownie?”
“Yes! You’re the best Veronica!”
Tee Hee.
Matt (B) seemed terribly impressed with my knitting and told Igal at some point that he had an “Excellent Wife.” I really like Matt.

I got to meet John (W) from Ottawa (He brought his two horses) and thought we never got to do any formal riding he invited me to ride on of his horses in the river. So me – wearing my bathing suit mounted up bare back and waded into the water with this horse.

John yelled from the shore “Go deeper”

So I did.

Suddenly the horse (and me) sunk deeper in to the river. Deep enough, that all that was visible above the water was my head and the horses head. –Now riding bareback is hard enough- The horse’s skin kind of slips around, and the hair is slick and hard to get a grip on, but when the horse is wet, and you are not wearing any pants…. Well that’s a whole new level of hard.

On shore Igal got the camera and took some shots of me and my adventure. – I’ll try to post them as soon as I can.

Igal said that John looked like he was wondering if I am going to fall off the horse and he started to tell me to hang on to the mane. I started to turn the horse back to shore and John saw that I was indeed hanging on to the mane for dear life. He whooped and cheered at me.

I brought the beastie back to the shore and thanked John for the very unique experience. Igal informed me that my native name is “swims with Horses”


Over all, a really awesome weekend and I am looking forward to next year.