Rest In Peace Jack

This morning at 4:45 am the leader of the NDP Jack Layton, died of cancer.

Mr Layton announced in a press conference on July 25th that he was battling another cancer. Less than 30 days later he is dead.

I wasn't always a fan of Mr Layton, but he seemed like a man of honor who clearly cared deeply for his country.

Layton's death, as sudden and sad as it is, has made me look at the world around me, my friends and loved ones in a sharp clear light. Its reminded me that life is short, and any day one of us may be taken. It is a reflection of the situation that I am witnessing with the Haggis's uncle - he will be gone sooner than later. There are loved ones whom we have not seen in far too long...

I wish there was a way I could express to some of these people in my life (with out sounding horribly melodramatic) that life is too short, that any day one of us could be lost and that we should treasure time together.

It seems that Mr Layton's final words written to Canada are terribly appropriate..

"My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world."

Happy Pride!

Pride cake at "Wanda's Pie in the Sky" Kensington Market

I'm Back

For the past few months I've had a case of self-inflicted ADD. My world has largely revolved around studying for my Vodder Manual Lymph Drainage course.

Its done now. I've passed.

I am now a certified Vodder Manual Lymph Drainage Therapist.

I am so amazingly relieved that the course is over. I don't think I've been that stressed since my OSCE's

I went out to Victoria BC. to take the course, I spent more time alone in the company of my in laws than I ever imagined I would, and amazingly everyone walked away from the whole visit feeling that it was a success.

The whole this is really quite amazing really.

I wish I had more time to explore Victoria at length, but the course took up too much time, and what was left was largely taken up by the in laws showing us real estate, housing developments, new resorts (that I will never in a million years be able to afford to stay in) and cruise ships coming in to port.

yeah.

Those of you who know me will realize how much that thrilled me.

But I'm home now and the house is still standing, the cats are happy, and the Haggis is with me.

And right now? That's really all I need.

A Few Things

Its been a while since I have last posted. So I have a bit of catching up to do.

First: Lisa (AKA hominysnark) has had her operation and doing much better. Thank you very much. She is still hugely in the hole financially so if you feel like donating please head on over HERE or buy some cool stuff HERE.

Second: I have given up on the position at the chiropractors office. Its been too slow and I have wasted too much time there.
I agonized over the decision to leave. My boss there was a really nice guy, and I really didn't want to let him down, But a fellow RMT friend of mine put it into perspective. I was whining to her about how agonized I was over leaving, how I didn't want to hurt my bosses feelings, and so on.

She looked at me and said: "Veronica you sound like your breaking up with a boy friend!"

She was right. I gave notice within the week.

Third: I finished the second part of my Manual Lymph drainage course. It was hard as hell. I am going to have some work to do to get ready for the next one.

Fourth: I am in the midst of the yearly "COLD FROM HELL" TM. I am in week three of a hack and cough festival. I am really, really looking forward to this being over.

Last: Part three of the Manual lymph Drainage course will be in May. I'm looking forward to it.

More later

I READ SMUT

Yes Moms and Dad, your daughter’s a pervert. Deal with it.

But that’s not what I’m writing about. Because my parents do read this blog and … Eww!

One of the smutty writers that I read is in medical distress.

She has the same thing that sent me into surgery twice. Uterine fibroids.

The problem is that that (Hominysnark –also known as Lisa) lives in the states, because she is self employed she skates the uncomfortable line between not making enough money to be able to afford health insurance, and making to much money to get free health coverage. Her condition has spiraled out of control to the point the that she desperately needs to have a hysterectomy, but she doesn’t have the $2700.00 for the operation.

She can wait until the condition is life threatening, and they will go ahead and give her the surgery, but it will likely cost even more in that case… and life threatening? Not the best circumstances under which to be having surgery.

Another writer has put together a donation site HERE. There are several auctions on the top of the page that you can bid on or you can scroll down the post titled “welcome to the fluffy bunny fund” and just send money strait to Lisa or you can go HERE to F-Bod studios (stands for Fluffy Bunnies of Doom.)and get some very cool and funny T-shirts fridge magnets, bumper stickers and other fun stuff.

If you have a few buck to spare consider sending them to Lisa.

And for those of you who now me, Ive already bought myself a "Bami's mother was Yummy" T-shirt.

And fridge magnet.

What are you going to get?

2009, Dont let the door hit you on the way out.

The beginning of 2009 saw me In the most stressfull place I have been in many years, school, exams, and looking down the barrel of surgery. Its been a year full of highs and lows.

Graduation was a definite high. Passing Bord exams, high again. Though the stress that those exams gave me, not so high.

Becoming employed. Total high. Finding out that most of my employers really didn't have enough business to keep me busy. Total low.

Surgery. Seeing that the surgery was mostly successful, high again. Finding out six months later that it had failed, again with the low. Finding out that we have to do the surgery again? and knowing that there is no guarantee that it will work? Meh.

Good friends leaving the Provence.So fucking low. The fact that they are so happy in there new digs? mightily high.

There are unresolved issues and stresses heading in to 2010 that make the whole concept of the "clean slate" rather null and void, but there are also interesting exciting things around the corner too. The Manual Lymphatic Drainage that I am taking. That, once completed will allow me to help (among others)women who are suffering from post-mastectomy lymph edema. The fact that (finally) I seem to be loosing weight.

So I'm not sad to let 2009 go and I am looking forward to 2010.

How 'bout you?

grusom morning

I think I can add "crime scene clean up" to my resume after this morning.

What the hell am I talking about?

This morning in front of my office there were red spatters all over the side walk.



I asked my boss what was up and he seemed to think it was some kind of Halloween prank. I recognized the red spatter for what it was.

Blood.


Boss-man thought I was wrong. I told him that if it was real when we poured water on it the blood would start to lift and the yellow of the plasma would be partly visible. he dared me to pour water on it. so I did.

That's blood.

lots of it.

Boss-Man and I applied more buckets of hot soapy water to the side walk, and I scrubbed the sidewalk with a broom. The blood trail started behind the building at a broken window, in front if the office it looked like the bleeder paced back and forth for some time and then crossed the street, where they disappear, and I hope someone crawled into an ambulance.

Later in the afternoon the fire department came and cleaned up the blood that we didn't get to.

Weird

Michael Jackson

You would have to have been living under a rock for the past two weeks to not have heard about the death of Michael Jackson.

I was a pretty rabid Micheal Jackson fan in high school. I could moonwalk, I made my self a sequin covered glove, and I managed to go to two concerts.

Yeah pretty rabid.

When I was a little kid I watched the Jacksons on TV. I recall at about age 7 or so telling my father that I was going to marry Micheal Jackson. When Micheal came out with the "Thriller" Video, I along with the rest of the world was pretty smitten. But over the years Micheal went from being cute and eccentric to weird and kind of creepy.

I lost touch with whatever fueled that early Michael adoration. The eccentric behavior, the child molestation chargers and the frankly odd stance on the appropriateness of a 40 plus year old man having sleepovers with children just got too weird.

In his last years his court appearances were marked with a dazed and sluggish appearance when trial was over Michael was said to have gone in to rehab.

So when I heard that Micheal had died, I have to admit that I was not terribly surprised.

I watched the memorial today, quite convinced that I really wasn't going to be moved by what I saw and frankly worried that it would turn in to a three ringed circus. What I saw was remarkably tasteful and moving. The service started and a gospel choir sang "we are going to meet the king" and Michael's brothers wheeled in a shining gold plated casket draped in a blanket of roses.

Suddenly The little kid that I said I was going to marry was dead, the entertainer who had inspired me as a teen, was gone. and a man who seemed to be so innocent and naive was no more.

I cried.

I don't know if Micheal Jackson was guilty of the charges against him. I cant help but think that there was something tragic and flawed even tortured about him.

I have a feeling that the coming weeks will show that Michael did in fact die of a drug overdose, and that people around him took advantage of him.

Good bye Michael, I hope that you have finally found peace

Mean People Suck

Every day I try to be a better human being. I believe I am inherently flawed human being, I know that I am quick to take offense, “sensitive” and when I feel wounded I lash back harshly.

One of the things I try to achieve and examine is the concept of forgiveness. And I think part of that is trying to examine my knee jerk reaction to something that has hurt me to see if there is some other way of interpreting what I think has transpired.

It’s a hard goal, made harder by the fact that there have been too many situations were people who have been calling me a friend have done pretty shitty things.

Three close female friends have tried to steal my boyfriend / husband. One bitched about me behind my back, and said things to make me look like an oath breaker. A group of friends dissolved with no real explanation. Its not a good foundation upon which to be trusting and friendly.

I wonder sometimes if people are just inherently mean.

I have been frustrated at school lately with some of the “catty” young ladies in my class. They make snide remarks about some of the teachers, the courses, and of course the other students. I once heard two of them make comments about two girls last year who had to write supplementals. “Ha Ha, they had to write supplementals, what losers.”

I’m sure I am not innocent of this sort of thing, but I do know that I am trying to be aware of it.

Even the “worst” teacher in our school tries his or her hardest. Not everyone is gifted with brilliant teaching skills (or for that matter, fascinating subject matter). However all of them deserve some semblance of respect.
Just because I am doing well in a class does not mean that I am superior to some way to someone who is not doing well.

I don’t quite know were I am going with this.

I suppose I am having a “Lack of faith in humanity” moment, and I’m trying to work past it in my head.

I dont like exams

Our school has a councilor to help the students with issues from housing, financing, and just being an ear when they are having a hard time.

Today I got up in the beginning of my afternoon class and sat down in her office and cried for a good two hours.

Nothing terribly traumatic is happening right now.

Melanie (the councilor) assured me that I am perfectly normal, that in fact I am the third person who has done exactly the same thing this week alone.

Among the things I sobbed at Melanie was that I shouldn't be this stressed, there really isn't that much going on, I'm doing well in classes so I shouldn't be stressed out. I'm fucking 40 years old and I should have my shit together. The more we talked about just what is going on in my life the more I realized that perhaps I am not quite as nuts as I thought I was when I walked in to her office.

There is allot going on in my life.
And most of it is stuff that the kids in my class will have no understanding or experience with.

This is not really the place for me to complain about my life, I just ask if I seem a little stressed or weird, understand that there are a few things going on right now.

Water Heater Blues

Monday morning we woke up to a dead water heater.

The water coming out of the taps was ice cold. Not much fun for even a short sponge bath. We are renting the water heater from the gas company, so we called them to fix it. They told us they could not be here until the evening between 3:00 pm and 11:00 pm. They showed up at 7pm and said that they would be back the next morning, We were told that the replacing the heater would cost about $300.00. Not great but it would do. Then the time changed to 3:00 pm to 7:00 pm.

When I got home I got a phone call from the contractor who told us that the original estimate was "a bit off" and quoted us $1100.00.

Er... Hello?

The Hagis called another contractor and we have gotten a much more reasonable quote that included a new tank, (not rented from the gas company).

Unfortunately, it looks like our contractor might take even more time than the gas company contractor.

In mean time The hagis and I had not had a shower since Sunday.

BLECH.

The hagis and I, piled our smelly selves in to the car and went to our gym to have a hot shower. I can deal with just about any part of roughing it but being dirty is just plain gross. I feel like so much more of a human being right now that I am clean.

I find it kind of amusing how much something that I take for granted like hot water is so essential to my basic comfort.

Kinda makes me feel like a bit of a wuss.

Cat Lady: In a good way

I just saw this on U-Tube.

PRIDE

I've heard I person or two say that there is "No point" to the pride parade. The suggestion was that there was nothing special about being gay, "who cares what people do behind closed doors?"

I wish that were true.

In the united states it is estimated that 15% of reported hate crimes where directed at homosexual people.
There are seven countries where homosexual acts are punishable by death.
In 1998 Mathew Sheppard was picked up in a bar by two men posing as gay men. After taking Mathew a remote area, Russell Arthur Henderson and Aaron James McKinney savagely beat him, tied him to a fence post and left him for dead. He was found 18 hours later by a passing cyclist.
While Matthew lay dying in hospital, just a few miles away, a group of students from Colorado State University thought it would be funny to ride atop a homecoming float that featured a scarecrow figure designed to resemble Matthew's battered body. The figure was wearing a sign that said "I'm gay." An obscene message was painted across the back of the scarecrow's shirt.
On December 3, 2007, Craig Gee was attacked by four men whilst holding his boyfriend's hand walking down Crown Street in Surry Hills, Sydney, Australia. Part of his skull was reduced to powder and his leg was broken during the attack. Despite the attack, Gee and his boyfriend joined the Chief of Parade Margaret Cho to lead the 2008 Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras parade.
As recently as February of 2008 a fifteen year old boy was shot in the head in his own school because he was openly gay
At least 41 states in the us have statutes and/or constitutional provisions that prohibit same-sex marriage.

Clearly some people care very much about what gay people do behind closed doors.

As long as violence and discrimination against gays and lesbians exists there is a place for events like the pride parade.

Events that are positive and life affirming, where groups like PFLAG (Parents and friends of Lesbians and gays) can stand up and be heard. Where a parent of a homosexual could, in a public and tangible way march side by side with there child and say "your my kid and your gay and thats alright".

Pride is where politicians, police and public figures send a queer positive message to the public. Pride is where, for the first time ever, the Canadian military came out and marched and acknowledged there gay brethren.

Human rights issues and political agenda's aside Pride is a damn good party. Today the haggis and I wrestled out way to the crowded side of the road and watched the party go by. People where happy, smiling, dancing.

It made me feel good to be there, cheering my self hoarse, howling at the outrageous drag queens and taking as many photos as I could.

Weird Shit

On Tuesday I was doing the "Pre-close" shift at work. I was the person who got to do most of the "grunt work" of the clean up before the end of day at the store. Among the mopping and restocking part of my evenings duties was to empty out all the garbages.

When I got to the garbages in the bathrooms I was in for a bit of a surprise. At the bottom of one if the clear garbage bags there were three used syringes.

Fortunately for me, the drug addict who was shooting up in our bathroom was a responsible drug addict and put the caps back on the needles after using them.

Yay.

We used to have a "Sharps" container it the store for just such an occasion.

Clearly this has happened before, because when I went looking for it, it was gone.

ARRG!

I wound up putting the needles in a clear drink cup, writing a long note to the manager and the staff about safe disposal of such things.

I have a feeling that the manager might be a tad miffed with me. She has a tendency of keeping things from the staff that she thinks might "frighten" them.

Sigh.

My other bit of weirdness was finding out through email today that one more of the girls at school has dropped out.

"S" is a great student, She is pulling in 90's in most of her classes. She has officially dropped out of school to move with her boyfriend out to BC. She sounds excited about the move, and it sounds like there going to have a good time out there. I am sad that she is leaving, she's been a good friend and allot of fun at school and I'm going to miss her allot.

Sigh.

Observations made at 6:30 am on a Sunday morning on the way to work

I have a love/hate relationship with morning shifts. I really love getting off work at 11:45 am. But I hate getting up at 6:00 am, particularly at this time of the year when it is still dark as I am heading out. My cats look up at me from there warm spots on the bed, blink blearily and go back too sleep.

If the cats are too lazy to get up and beg for food, then it must be entirely too early to get up.

I think there is a cat living under the Yew bush in front of my front window. On Sunday morning as I staggered off to the bus stop I noticed a little trail of kitty foot prints leading in and out of the Yew bush. Poor Kitty. Must be cold.

A very light sprinkling of snow had fallen overnight and the fluffy new snow sparkled under the street lights. It made me smile despite lack of sleep.

When I got to work I realized I had put on two different socks. I don’t think I have ever done that before.

I hate mornings

40 - So what now?

I don't, as a rule, make new years resolutions. This year is a year nor some significance, (given that I have just hit the big Four-Oh) and I may make some exceptions.

This was supposed to be the year that I ran a marathon.

HA!

The combination of working for Starshmucks and now going to school has killed any time I've had for running and I have paid dearly for that in the form of an ever expanding ass. The added weight has gotten to the point that I think my knees would give way if I tried to run right now.

I have to lose weight.

And thats not in the New Years-resolution-that-I'm-going-to-ignore-any-way kind of way....

I am heavier than I have ever been and I an concerned for my health. After all it is not unheard of for people my age to keel over and die of a heart-attack.

So I don't have a plan of attack for this weight-loss thing other than I really need to do some exercise and avoid the snack machine at school and the skanky coffee time across the street.

I need to do well in school. I have been doing that so I am not to worried about that goal.

And aside from that my goals are all kind of spiritual/metaphysical

When I was a good little Pagan I had a teacher who was not exceptionally talented . The one useful thing she said to me was "Do not attribute to malice what can much more readily be explained by ignorance." (sorry Pete I gave you that one - not the other way around)

-I need to take that bit of advice more often. I will be much happier with the world for doing that.

I need to forgive more readily and let go of anger. Because really, the people who piss me off are really not worth the effort.

And (particularly for the next two years) I need to bone up on my Spanish.

Thats plenty.
Wish me luck.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night..

Christmas is an odd time of year, and not just because its my birthday.

Its the time of the year when some of the best, and some of the worst comes out in people. Where the spirit of giving and charity come out, where we think of those who are less fortunate than ourselves, were we gather together with our friends, coworkers, and our loved ones and occasionally our (not so) loved ones. Christmas is a time of the year when we should reflect on what we are thankful for. In the midst of all the peace on earth and good will towards all men it is (sadly) also a time of the year when some assholes come crawling out of the woodwork.

Any one who has ever worked in retail understands exactly what I mean.

This year I volunteered to work though the holidays, and for the most part my customers were happy, appreciative of my efforts, and lovely to deal with.

There were some odd exceptions.

There was a gentleman this afternoon who was in a bit of a mood. He was snapping about something or other, and my response was to be as cheerful as I possibly could and I told him to have a wonderful Christmas. He stopped, came back to the counter and asked me pointedly "Did you say to have a Merry Christmas?"

"Er... yeah."

He went on to say that he was sure that it was company policy that we could not say "Merry Christmas" and that at every other Starbucks he had been too he had been told to have a "Happy Holliday" and the "political correctness" of it pissed him off. He always made a point of saying "Merry Christmas" back at someone’s "happy holidays". He was quite pleased by my "Merry Christmas".

I thought it was a really silly thing to get your shorts in a knot over.

I plastered a big smile on my face and nodded and smiled.

Later that evening we had a charming young lady who demanded to know why were closing so early. I tentatively said,
"Er... because it's Christmas Eve?"

She muttered something I wont repeat here.

My co-worker had many words for this young lady after she left the store. Some to do with her questionable parentage, her attitude, and the fact that she clearly had no concept that we had lives and families to get too.

I told my co-worker that this was not worth getting upset over. I was particularly surprised, as to my knowledge my coworker had no family in Toronto and is currently between relationships.

Earlier this week I have experienced some of the more "Peace on Earth" kind of Christmas cheer. On Friday night, the Haggis and I went to a friend’s house. There were vast amounts of food, reminiscing, and many hugs all round. All of the gifts that were exchanged that night were hand made.

And while I was impressed with my un-commercial non-consumer Christmas the next day I was treated to a delightful great dollop of consumer-y goodness. On Saturday I was surprised by Santa arriving quite early and providing me with something I had been wanting for school quite some time. A number of my friends, and the Haggis got together to get me a really nice, really smoking laptop.

Dear God, I was quite shocked. It is a lovely toy that I must explore at length soon, but so much lovelier are the wonderful friends who plotted together to make this happen. Time, effort and many emails were no doubt sacrificed in this effort and I am so thankful for that effort.

Oh my.

I feel sorry for that young woman who needed a coffee shop to be open later than 6pm of Christmas Eve. Perhaps she had not family or friends to go home too.

I'm glad I do.

Global warming? HA!

Last night and all day yesterday we got a royal dumping of snow.

I managed to make it to work with out too much trouble and me and my co worker watched in rapt horror as the city ground to a halt around us. I got off work at 11:45 and headed home. I had no idea what a long haul I was in for.

I waited at the streetcar stop at Dundas and Spadina for a good 20 min. In the distance (through the shifting sheets of snow) I could see a streetcar at King Street. It never moved. (for all I know it might still be there) I watched, bemused as cars got stuck in the middle if this major intersection and a cop car making a "u" turn nearly spun out. Finally I gave up on the concept of the street car and hiked up to College. I decided that my best course of action would be to take a taxi. -And I NEVER take taxi's, but clearly the streetcars were not going to get me where I was going. I waited and College and Spadina for the longest time, realizing that not only were the streetcars not running here but that every Taxi that passed my by already had passengers.

I stood on that corner with a growing feeling of unease that was rapidly beginning to spiral into a flat out panic. It took me a moment to realize what it was that had me so freaked out.

It was the silence.

I have never stood on that corner, even at 2 in the morning and had my ears ringing with the snow muffled silence that I was experiencing at 12 noon on this Christmas shopping Sunday.

After shaking off my self inflicted heebe-geebes I decided to keep walking and head up to Bloor. I was half expecting to find the subways stalled but finally I found a functioning form of transportation. When I finally got to my street I found my neighbors digging themselves and each other out. I passed by some young men digging out the little old lady down the road form me who had a mild heart attack this fall. One neighbor with a snow blower Had cleared a path from around the closed corner store.

What normally was a 45 minute journey had taken me two hours.

Have you dug out yet?

Trials By Fire

So I am two weeks in to school now. All is going well, I am up to date on my reading, the one quiz I have had went well (80%) and thus far all looks good.

Of course as an added bonus to going to school I have received (free of charge!) my annual (TM)COLD FROM HELL. This started the day before school with a sore throat and bloomed into a hacking omnipresent irritating cough. I get this cough every year. (never at the same time of year so I'm fairly certain its not allergies.) It is irritating and annoying and lasts a good solid six weeks, but I never get a fever and so it seems useless to go to the doctor.

This weekend I felt so crummy that I turned down dinner at my parents place. (Dinner were someone else does the dishes!) and I got the haggis to bring me to a walk in clinic on Sunday when I found I was having trouble catching my breath in between bouts of coughing. The walk-in clinic DR, handed me two prescriptions, One for a standard inhaler (salbutamol) and another inhaler (flovent) which is a steroid. asked the DR. if my lungs sounded wheezy and he said no, but the inhalers would help with the cough.

I am frankly not turned on but the concept of inhaling steroids so I have put that one aside for now. -Thank goodness tomorrow I have a day off and I can see my family Dr for her opinion on all of this.

Oh, and the Salbutamol?

Drugs are good, mmm'kay?

I am taking less than half the dosage that I am allowed and I can get through hours with out hacking!

So while school is good and I am keeping up, it has not been an ideal two weeks. This cough usually lasts for about six weeks... so I should shake it off just in time for oh... MIDTERMS!

But alas I am not the only one suffering right now. Some changes have hit the haggis's place of work.. Changes that we saw coming for quite some time and the Haggis has been given what amounts to a demotion. (same pay - More crap)

Haggis is suitably unimpressed with the situation.

If I had money to burn lawyers might have been called.

Le sigh.

whats your pirate name?

My pirate name is:

Dread Pirate Bonney

Like the famous Dread Pirate Roberts, you have a keen head for how to make a profit. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate's life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
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